So when the kids were little, they more of less did exactly what I asked of them, when it came to bedtime. The routine was nailed. They'd go upstairs, get into their PJ's, brush their teeth and either read to me or I would read to them, jobs a good 'un by 8pm latest! Fabulous, two blissful kids free hours for me to destress and recharge!
Fast forward a few years and now the bedtime hour has been pushed to 9.00pm-9.30pm, more often than not 9.45pm and the two hours I used to have, has turned in to 15 minutes! 15 minutes to watch some bubble gum TV, catch up with the husband and relax. Perfect! Not. As they are getting older, so am I, which means, gone are the days when I can stay up until midnight all the time, I'm tired and want to go to bed at 10am! Half the time, they are still awake when I retire!. If I do try to hurry them up and make sure they are actually getting to bed at the hour I am comfortable with (9ppm), I am met with all the push backs! Skin care routines, drinks of water, last minute homework, reading, basically anything that eek's out a little longer than 9pm!
I get the eye rolling if I dare to mention the amount of sleep they should be getting for optimal performance! As in, from my point of view only, reduced moodiness in the mornings and clear thinking before acting! So preferably, not waking up like a bear with a sore head and blaming everything that happens on someone else.
How much sleep do they actually need, especially as they get older? According to the NHS website, children 6 to 12 years old, need 9 to 12 hours and teenagers 13 to 18 years old need 8 to 10 hours! Is your teen getting the right amount of sleep? It's not just about the amount of sleep however, it's the quality of the sleep and also the routine they are in.
Here are a few things to help your child when it comes to their sleep routine:
Have a good routine - encourage your child to get into a regular bedtime routine. When we do the same things over and over, in the same order, it can help us drift off to sleep. Getting in to good habits can set us up for success in the future.
Limit screens in the bedroom - this is a tricky one, because, if like me, your child insists on waking up to the alarm they have set on their phone, it can be difficult to convince them to hand it over to you at night. If they have their phone in their room, ask them to put it on airplane mode at night time to limit the temptation to stay up late interacting on social media. Also the light from the screen interferes with sleep, so encourage them to have at least an hour of screen-free time before sleep. If you don't think your child can resist temptation then suggest the phone is kept downstairs or turned off completely (and get them a traditional alarm clock, although this went down like a sack of spuds in my house!)
Exercise for better sleep - teens need on overage over 60 minutes of exercise every day, including aerobic activities such as running. Exercising during the day time and outside can help promote better sleep and increase their Vitamin D intake, which is knows to help with depression symptoms.
Cut out the caffeine - I'm not a fan of my girls having caffeine to be fair, but that's a personal choice, if you're child is partial to some caffeine then reduce their intake or move to decaf as too much caffeine can stop them falling asleep and actually reduce the amount of deep sleep they have.
Do not binge before bedtime - or just generally eating too late at night as it's not good for any of us really. The body needs time at night to renew and repair, it doesn't need to be digesting food as well! Be sure to encourage a healthy well balanced meal at dinner time (and throughout the day), to ensure your child isn't hungry either (we don't want those midnight feasts to become a regular thing)!
Talk through any problems - this is often the time when everyone is more relaxed and not rushing around so children feel more comfortable in talking about any issues they are worried about, However, if they don't get the chance to do this, they can end up going to sleep worried about something they haven't got off their chest. I find that once my girls have talked through their issues and we have put their problems into perspective, they get to sleep more easily. If you are unable to talk to them for whatever reason, then you could encourage them to write down their worries or make a to-do list before they go to bed. This could save them lying awake worrying during the night.
Avoid long weekend lie-ins - yikes, this one certainly causes contention in our house. I have included this in my advice, but I'll be honest with you, I haven't mastered this yet! My teen loves to have a weekend lie-in and half of me thinks, why not! They study hard all week, why can't they just have an extra hour or so in bed! However, the science tells us that long lie-ins can disrupt your body clock and make it harder to sleep come Monday, but try telling that to a 13 year old!
For me, the hardest thing is the conflict that can sometimes occur before bed time, because it's counter intuitive. When they faff around and don't sort themselves out and you are tired and want 5 minutes to yourself it causes friction and no one wants to go to sleep on an argument, especially when it's with your child (see note above about talking through problems!). But on the other hand, I love being with my girls and night time is often when we all connect more, so it's a hard one to be fair.
However, if you need to reduce the amount of stress bedtime causes, my advise is to set parameters. Communicate with your child about what your expectations are at bedtime and explain the reasoning behind the time frame you have set and why you need that bit of downtime for yourself.
It is also useful to recap what you need from them before they go upstairs, just repeating what you need them to do and putting the onus on them to ensure they have done all the things like/need to do before they get into bed i.e skin care, brushing teeth, reading etc. Re-emphasising this, can help focus them about what's to come, because let's face it, they are so easily distracted at this age, especially when it comes to things that you really really really want them to do!
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