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Writer's pictureCJ Barber

Let's Talk - Chores - to pay or not to pay?


When I was younger, we got what was called pocket money. It wasn't a lot but it was enough to go to the town on a Saturday and buy a McDonalds Cheeseburger, go to the Cinema (which only cost 50p, that makes me sounds well old, I'm not though, ha ha!!!) and some 'not real gold' earrings from Etam for my mum (later to find out she was allergic to the cheap stuff, but she gratefully accepted the gift regardless).


I don't remember it being payment for doing chores specifically, because if it was, I would have been up in arms about the amount of stuff I had to do to earn it. I'm from a large family (8 of us), plus my wheelchair bound nan also lived with us when we were younger, there's a reason I'm telling you this and here it is... one of my chores was to do the ironing! Due to my mum's paranoia of us getting run over and not having ironed knickers, we had to iron all underwear and socks too! I bet you can guess what I think of ironing now. That's right, I can't stand it, I don't iron a thing, so if you see me out and about with creased clothes, you know why.


I also had to hoover, polish, wash up, dry up, fill the dish washer, empty the dishwasher, help out with my nan (washing her, getting her dressed etc), wash the windows, inside and out, the list goes on. Now, the question is, did it do me any harm? Well, at the time it was just annoying because it prevented me from doing the things I wanted to do but it did make me feel like I was contributing to the running on the house and it also taught me what it takes to keep a house running. However, I am not a fan of cleaning now and don't really enjoy it, I have to do it, but I'd rather someone else did. Is that because I had to do too much as a youngster or because I just don't like it, I'll never know.


When I had my own kids, I was against the whole making them do chores scenario, I mean, kids are kids and they should be allowed to play and do the things they want to, even though friends were getting their children to do chores (and paying them for it), something didn't sit right with me. I didn't like the thought of making them do something they didn't want to do. However, the more I started to read and listen, the more I realised that getting children involved at a young age with helping around the house, is actually hugely beneficial for them.


Here are some of the reasons why involving your child in age appropriate chores is actually good for them:


Chores help teach teamwork - when everyone chips in to the running of the house, this helps teach teamwork and shows them that they have their role in the house to help keep it running smoothly.


Chores help teach life skills - as your child gets older, they will need to learn how to cook, clean, do the washing, budget, etc and learning this young will benefit them greatly for when they finally move out


Chores help kids learn responsibility - when your child has the responsibility of cleaning their room, or doing their own washing, this can also help make them more self-sufficient.


Chores help build a good work ethic - the ability to work hard to get the job done is something employers will value in the future, OK, so they might seem a little young (depending on how early you start them), but pushing through to get the job done will help them grasp the concept of work ethic and using a little elbow grease will give them a great sense of achievement and satisfaction.


Chores help improve time management skills - when you give your child chores to do they learn how to fit everything in that needs doing during the day. For example, they need to clean the cooker, before they go out to play, or they need to make the bed before they go to school. This helps then get into good habits early (and can save a lot of stress in the teen years, and when I say stress, I mean nagging!!). It also helps them set priorities and manage their time when it comes to things like homework, deadline and their social lives (which will take over their lives when they start going out with friends).


Chores help give families a chance to bond - when doing things together, like cleaning the windows or the bathroom, it's often a chance for teens to open up about things on their mind, or if you have little ones, they get a boost to their self-esteem, when given a 'grown up' task. Spending time together doesn't always have to cost.


Now, here's the big question, should you pay them for it?


My answer to this is, no. But, I did dabble with it for a little while. I gave them small amounts of money for chores they did, but it got to the point where I would ask them to do something I hadn't asked before and they'd say 'how much will I get for it?', it was at that point that I stopped the whole payment thing and decided to teach them about the importance of running a house, working together to keep the environment where we live clean and tidy so that it's a nicer place to live. They do chores now without payment and have said they prefer to do it because they enjoy helping, rather than because I'm paying them for it.


In my opinion, paying kids for chores can be detrimental, for the following reasons:

  • It encourages external motivation, rather than internal motivation and if they are only doing something they are getting paid for, you'll find it much more difficult to get them to help with things when they start earning their own money.

  • Paying kids to do chores is fine if they value money over their time. But the minute they decide they would rather be out with their friends or doing their own thing and they no longer are motivated by money, things may get tricky.

  • Paying kids to do chores can make them start to expect to be paid for everything they do (as I had found), so they become a self- centred, as in, what's in it for me?!

  • Kids learn that love is transactional, rather than doing something because it's kind and it's the right thing to do to help contribute to the family, they learn to do it only if they are getting paid.

  • They only do the chores well, if they want the money bad enough.

  • When they get older, they won't get paid for doing chores, so why start now.

I believe my parents probably got it right if my pocket money (or allowance as I believe some parents call it) was to help me learn how to deal with money at a young age and doing chores was to help me learn the benefits of helping around the house and pulling together as a family to make it work.


I hope the above helps in some way, but ultimately, it's up to you what you decide to do, I'm sure you'll choose what's right for you and your children.


Good Luck Parents

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