Let's talk - Back Chat - is it really that bad?!

Ok, so no one likes being spoken to rudely, but when it's your teenager, how much should you simply ignore and how much should you pull them up on!

Gone are the days when your adorable little offspring would hang off your every word and more or less do what they were asked to do. Now, as they enter the teenage years, they have an opinion on everything and I mean everything! Basically, every time you open your mouth to offer some words of wisdom, pass comment on their hair or mention that their school uniform is grubby you are shot down in flames. One minute they are agreeing with you and then next minute completely ignoring you. You think you are doing what's best, but they tell you different.

Disrespectful behaviour is one of the inappropriate ways kids, especially teenagers, try to solve their problems. They feel powerless in the face of rules and expectations, and talking back and showing disrespect is one way they try to take some power back and if they can drag you into the argument then bingo! Now you find yourself in a spat about how rude they are being, rather than focussing on the reason the argument started, which could be that they hadn't done their homework! The trick is to focus on the behaviour not the feeling. So, if the argument spirals into a tirade of nasty words about you, don't take it personally. By all means, you need to highlight to them, that speaking unkind words to anyone is not nice but don't let it fuel the exchange so that you end up doing the same thing.

It's natural for teens to seek more independence as they get older, and mild disrespect is one way that independence gets expressed. One of the pitfalls of adolescence is your teen thinking they know far more than you do; they think they are smarter and more in tune than their parents.

Children, especially teens, express their frustrations in various way, from eye rolling, scoffing and smirking – all of which might be new to you and as we all know, those mild, irritating behaviours can really get under your skin. They are looking for weak spots, places where they can drag you into defending yourself or your rules.

When you react emotionally to the situation (as though you are under threat), it's harder to respond effectively. Accepting that these behaviours are part of normal teen behaviour means you don't have to necessarily try to correct everything. If they are good kid on the whole, with a few little outbursts here and there while trying to express their disregard for your rules, then you can let it slide. But if they treat others badly while refusing to comply with rules and expectations then you need to correct the behaviour.

I have found that ignoring the little outbursts and not racing up the stairs behind them to launch my far more eloquent and accurate words has worked wonders, not only for my sanity but the sake of my relationship with my daughters!

Good luck parents x